We probably all have had every kind of first date we could imagine. I’ve had the epic, the romantic, the awkward and the downright embarrassing. Today, I want to introduce 5 first dates that you will never forget, no matter how hard you try. We contacted our friend Alex Wise a senior editor and co-founder of Loveawake dating site with a request to ask the clients of Loveawake about their first date experience.
(*Names have been changed for obvious reasons)
There was something so aggressive about Mike* when I first met him. He had the kind of take-charge glare that left me frozen at a standstill in the middle of a motion filled dance floor. We made eye contact from across the room and within seconds he was standing in front of me with his hand on my hip, leaning in to talk into my ear. Fast like an agile vampire. TSK!
After some witty banter, we exchanged numbers. As luck would have it, he only lived a block away so he asked me to meet him for a beer the following night. I knew nothing about the guy other than he made my knees weak with his demanding, dominant, and aggressive stares. Like, I had no choice.
The following night, I got home from work a bit late and the second I walked through the door, I received a text.
Hey babe. I’ll be at your door in 2 minutes
A veil of confusion immediately fell over me as I didn’t remember telling him where I lived, but before I could figure it out, there was a knock on my door.
There he stood, mischievous grin and all, with his hands behind his back. What was back there? Flowers? Dinner? A dildo? I really didn’t know anything about this guy but he looked like he was ready to dominate me. And that he did.
Within seconds, he took a step forward and scooped me up, forcing me to wrap my legs around him in mid-air. He slid his hand down my back, into my pants and kissed me super aggressively.
Then, he rolled his ankle.
I fell back into the handle of my opened front door and he collapsed on top of me with what seemed like drool falling out of his mouth, onto my face.
Lesson Learned: If you’re going to grab a bitch, lift with your knees and make sure you have a solid handle on your ankle positioning.
Drew* worked at a sister store in the same mall I worked and we had crossed paths a few times during shifts. He was cute, quiet yet mysterious, and had no problem letting me know he was attracted to me and that he wanted to take me out on a date. Anyone who knows me, knows I love me some mystery.
Since we lived in San Francisco, and on opposing sides of the city, we decided to meet after closing one night and go to the movies. When I walked out of the store, he was waiting there, blazer and all, with his hands in his pockets and a semi-nervous grin.
You look nice. Movie?
Ah, a man of few words, I thought. Little did I know those would be the last words he’d say for the remainder of the evening.
At first I thought he was just tired, but I soon realized someone must have Hocus Pocus-ed his mouth shut because he literally did not say another word. In line for the movie tickets, I asked him how work had gone. He shrugged. When we got inside the theatre, I asked him where he likes to sit. He motioned towards the middle and shrugged again.
Here’s the funny part: Once I realized he wasn’t talking, I felt so awkward that I needed to fill the silence – even if it made him more uncomfortable.
The second I started asking him questions that demanded a full, spoken word response, he’d start humming. At one point, I couldn’t take it anymore and said, “Dude! What’s your deal? If you want to call this a night you can just say so.”
But then he shook his head no and grabbed my hand.
It was, by far, the weirdest date ever. What’s even weirder is that the following day, he walked up to me, hugged me, and said
Hey! Last night was awesome. We should really grab a bite to eat sometime, maybe Friday? Maybe go out to dinner so we can get to know each other more?
Lesson Learned: Hey, Chatterbox, talk a bit less next time and let me get a couple words in, whydoncha.
I’d Like to Thank the Academy
*Adam was a pretty famous actor with a solid role in a show on its 6th season run. He came into the restaurant I was working at about 3 times a week, each time shamelessly flirting as he ordered his lunch.
I thought he was cute and we did have a few friends in common, but I was never a big fan of dating an actor so I never saw it becoming more than innocent flirting.
Until one day, after he paid for his lunch, he leaned over the counter and said:
I don’t think I can do this much longer. You’re going to have to agree to let me take you out on a date because you’re driving me crazy.
Ugh, actors. I agreed to a date and met him at a divebar on Santa Monica later that week.
When I walked in, he was sitting at the bar and the moment he saw me, he pulled the stool next to him out and closer to him, tapping it with a hungry grin on his face. I walked over, sat down, and for about an hour and a half we flirted and showed every sign of wanting to get nasty with each other. He’d bite his lip and say, “Jesus. I am so fucking attracted to you, I want to destroy you.” So hot, right?
Bartender put out 2 shots in front of us and Adam kept his eyes locked on me.
I wrapped my hand around the cold shot glass, wondering if I could get it all down my throat at once, and then my thoughts were interrupted by the clearing of his throat.
Fuck, Chiara. I have a girlfriend.
I didn’t react. I reached over to his shot and took his first, then took mine. As I made my way out, I let the words pour out of me – What the FUCK – without realizing I was walking straight into a glass door. I didn’t have the dignity to look back and didn’t acknowledge the bump on my forehead until I was a block down.
Lesson Learned: Never trust an actor.
Matt* was one of those overly confident guys who walk up and interrupt a group of girls to talk to one they’re interested in – which, in this case, was me. A couple of my girlfriends and I were at a random bar in Hollywood and were hanging around the bar getting our first round of drinks.
He wedged himself between me and a girlfriend and screamed over the music,
You look like we could have some fun, doll. What do I gotta do to make you fall in love with me?
That line alone was enough to have my back to him in milliseconds, but his persistence paid off the rest of the night as he got increasingly less douche-y and drastically more appealing.
A few days later, after texting back and forth a few times, we decided to grab sushi together. When I walked into the restaurant, he was already seated, with his arm up on the booth, and there were two untouched drinks sitting before him. He waved me down, demandingly, and simultaneously snapped his fingers to call the waitress over. All hail King D-bag.
The salt rim, like, fell into the margarita, dude. It’s fucking disgusting, have her remake it immediately.
I stopped mid sentence as I realized how he had just spoken to our server. “Are you for real?” I asked him. “You do know I’m a waitress, don’t you? Don’t talk to her right like that.”
The waitress looked at me in gratitude and quickly ran off to the bar to have the drink remade.
“Well, I’m fucking paying for it!” he snapped defensively,” I should be able to enjoy it!”
“Yeah, you’re paying 8.99, which is definitely not enough to give you the right to be a piece of shit.”
At that point, I was ready to end the discussion… but apparently he wasn’t.
“8.99 gives me that right here. It’s not my fault she fucking chose to be a server. Her job is to serve me.”
Needless to say a gut punch wasn’t socially acceptable, so I stood up, walked over to the server and handed her a twenty. “I doubt he’ll tip you anything. Make sure she skips the salt and goes right to spit in his drink.”
Then I left.
Lesson learned: This may not have been hilarious, but I’m sure him drinking her saliva was. Never be rude to the wait staff.
Cramp Your Style
*Ethan and I had met through friends and I was actually really excited when he asked me out on a date. He was so funny, super charming, and the life of the party wherever he went. The fact he was interested in me made me giddy and I looked forward to an exciting evening with him.
He picked me up in his black mustang and drove me to a restaurant I had mentioned I wanted to try. We valeted, went in, and had a pretty awesome dinner date.
He was witty, charming, and able to keep me on my toes the entire meal – which I loved.
About midway through dessert, I saw him slugging water at a peculiar rate, but didn’t think much of it. By the time we were paying the bill, he had scooted his chair back a bit and leaned forward and down onto the table, not changing the way he was talking. So I thought maybe he was just tired.
Then, I realized what was happening.
When we walked out to the valet and realized there was a pretty long wait to get the car, I handed the guy the ticket and turned to find Ethan squatting by the wall behind me. I walked over and asked him if he was okay. “I’m fine…” he grunted.
About a minute later, the moans began. I looked down from my phone to find his arms curled around his stomach as he was shifting back and forth on the balls of his feet.
“Are you sure you’re okay, Ethan?” I asked, immediately recognizing the signs of diarrhea cramps. “I SAID I’M FINE!” he barked back. I bit down and tried to withhold laughter. I’m not the type to get grossed out and at that point, I wish he would have just admitted it so we could have laughed about it. Unfortunately, he let the sweat pouring down his face and his disgruntled moans do the talking for him.
About 10 minutes into the silent drive home, what began as a whisper to himself turned into a full blown declaration of the shits.
Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, I’m going to shit myself. Oh my god, I have to pull over, oh… my…
Needless to say, it was just too awkward to have a second date. Though I did say, as I was getting out the car, that there’s no hiding diarrhea cramps and that it happens to the best of us.
Lesson Learned: Don’t try any new foods on a first date.